nurture?
my mother’s thinner than me and she’s moping around the house right now about being too fat for her bathing suit. “i’m fat! i’m fat! i look awful!” ” i used to be 109, now i’m 120! i was so incredibly tiny! i should have known not to buy anything, i should have known it wouldn’t last!” “my thighs! MY THIGHS!” i’m looking at this woman, stick straight with no hips to speak of, and just shaking my head. i really wish i could have had a better role model. she just doesn’t care at all how her behaviour might effect me. how could she possibly expect me to accept my body when hers is so much better than mine and it’s still not good enough. if being fat is so fucking awful mother, why would you knowingly put me through it? my entire life is dedicated to correcting 16 years of bad eating habits that you enabled while just standing by picking at your salad. what, did i not deserve to learn how to eat properly? did i not deserve to look nice and feel good about myself? i’m 23 years old and i can’t even leave the house, i’m so obsessed with how bad i look. i wish she was fat, i wish i didn’t have to live with a constant reminder of my inadequacy and worthlessness.
26661) I am losing the greatest years of my life because I’m fat. That’s what I think about all day long.
(Source: confessionsabouteatingdisorders)
(Source: canseii)
(via dirtyprettything)
(Source: dirty-dope, via thenotsouglygirl)
note to self: commit to memory
PASTA is not worth it
GARLIC BREAD is not worth it
PIZZA is not worth it
EGG ROLLS are not worth it
FRENCH FRIES are not worth it
OIL is not worth it
BUTTER is not worth it
PEANUT BUTTER is not worth it
CHEESE is not worth it
(BAD)CARBS are not worth it
COOKIES are not worth it
ICE CREAM is not worth it
DESSERT is not worth it
CHOCOLATE…is worth it occasionally ngl
FAT is not worth it
BEING FULL is not worth it
i am unhealthy, period. this is what happens, this is why i need to be vigilant. i’m not depressed anymore, there’s no excuse to continue this way. i am capable, i will change.
today i got a wake up call.
old pictures. old friends. old inferiority. getting too close to old habits, too far from new pride. i need to lose this weight. IT’S NOT OKAY.
(via skinnyevilcunt)
